How (not) to catch a deer.... *This is funny !! Why we shoot deer in the wild (A letter from someone who wants to remainanonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this) I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed itup on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first stepinthis adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate atmy cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there(a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feedwhileI am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficultto rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down)then hog tie it and transport it home. I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. Thecattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They werenothaving any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. Ipicked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder,andthrew my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped therope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it wasmildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it,it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and thenreceived an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deermay just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they arespurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound forpound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt inthat weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. Adeer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. Therewas no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked meoff my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to methat having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I hadoriginally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not have as muchstamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerkme off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a fewminutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowingoutof the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fedvenison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck,it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was nolove at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing,andI would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in myhead and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer'smomentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged meacross the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize thatthere was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibilityfor the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer aslow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck andthefeeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeezechute.I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my ropeback. Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deerwould bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up thereto grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deerbites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you andslide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost likea pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze anddraw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method wasineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, butit was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (thoughyoumay be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busytearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand andpulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up ontheir back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and theirhooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when ananimal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't getaway easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make anaggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to backdown a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickerywould not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a differentstrategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason Ihad always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws atyou is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of thehead. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides beingtwice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, ithit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does notimmediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger haspassed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on youwhile you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering yourhead. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. Sonow I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with ascope......to sort of even the odds!! All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer

Brilliantly written...flipping heck!!!

When I read - "then I recieved an education" my coffee actually shot out of my nose.

Excellent story. I couldnt help but think of Iceman when I read it 

WOW I must remember when I'm out hunting and if I do ever get close enough to one that my rope is strictly for hanging the deer from the tree ONCE SHOT!!! thanks for the great and amusing advise    hope your recovery is coming along well.

That is brilliant,well done

Bloody  hilarious, u must b nuts.

Thats the best thing I have read in ages. Bloody funny

Excellent pengy!